Role Mate to Soul Mate: The Art and Discipline of Love
December 3–5, 2021
December 3–5, 2021
with Warren Farrell
Register Now

Role Mate to Soul Mate begins with a series of exercises that teach you the art of appreciating your partner. You then practice both the art and discipline of hearing your partner’s criticisms without becoming defensive. For example, so you don’t have to fear “walking on eggshells” before sharing a concern, your partner first learns how to prepare her or himself to emotionally associate your criticism with an opportunity to be more deeply loved.

Soul Mate is designed as the next evolutionary shift beyond active listening. Active listening allows the criticizer to feel heard, but fails to teach the person hearing the criticism how to emotionally associate the criticism with an opportunity to be more deeply loved. The problem? Unless the listener feels safe, the person sharing their concern cannot feel safe.

During the workshop, you will learn a series of skills that will allow you to connect more deeply with your partner, with yourself, and with your own innate ability to consciously create a more loving and communicative environment in your lives. We will do this by sharing a number of practices and experiences:

  • Dancing before each session, and learning how to use dancing to revitalize.
  • Together we will hold a loving and energizing closing ceremony.
  • You will learn how to create and sustain a “conflict free zone” for 166 hours of the week, and to prepare for the other two hours during which you and your partner will create a safe environment to hear each other’s most important concerns or criticisms.
  • You will learn to create time each week to appreciate your partner, and learn the art of taking those appreciations to seven levels of specificity.
  • You will learn “Eight Wisdoms” as a foundation for deepening your love.

To support your connection after the workshop, you are also invited to multiple free, on-going, group follow-up calls to resolve stumbling blocks. If you wish to review the insights and exercises at any time, you will also have the option of purchasing a Zoom version of the course.

This workshop is for couples of all genders and sexual orientations. A couple could be any two people with a history who desire a better future (i.e. parents or partners, married or divorced; newlyweds; parent-child; siblings; etc.). Developed over the past 30 years, the workshop is also used by many health professionals in their work with clients and patients.

Learn more about the process.

Recommended reading: Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, by Dr. Warren Farrell.

Warren Farrell

Warren Farrell

Warren Farrell, PhD, is co-author of The Boy Crisis (with Dr. John Gray) and books published in 19 languages. He has been chosen by The Financial Times as one of the world’s top 100 thought leaders. Warren has been a pioneer in both the women’s and men’s movements, and conducts couples’ communication workshops at Esalen.

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Workshop Schedule

Fri 8:30 pm – 10:30 pm
Sat 10:00 am – 12:00 pm
Sat 4:15 pm – 6:15 pm
Sat 8:00 pm – 10:00 pm
Sun 10:00 am – 12:00 pm

More activities can be found on our open class schedule.

See general schedule information including arrival, departure, and meal times.

Accommodations & Tuition

Click Register Now to view availability of accommodations and all-inclusive, program-specific pricing. Please note that not all types of accommodations are offered for all programs. Some workshops have additional faculty fees.

Sleeping Bag
Standard Single
Standard Couple
Standard Two Beds
Premium Single
Premium Couple
Premium Plus
Point House
Point House Plus
COVID Update

All guests will be required to provide proof of vaccination upon arrival starting September 3, 2021. Please read our COVID safety guidelines prior to booking your stay.

COVID Update

Masks are no longer mandated indoors or outdoors, except during massage sessions. Guests are not required to provide testing or vaccination verification before arriving on campus. Please read our COVID safety guidelines prior to booking your stay.

All-inclusive Pricing